Terrible Two’s

Your sweet little baby is growing fast, she’s becoming more independent and she’s so smart. You are very proud of her and secretly love comparing her to other kids. You have heard people talking about the terrible two’s for years but you aren’t worried. You know that you and your wife are great parents who treat your child with love and acceptance. Fast forward a few short months. You are now determining whether it’s possible to plan a lunch, play date or even a trip to the grocery store based on your little sweetheart’s mood swings. Sound familiar? The terrible two’s are real. The epidemic doesn’t discriminate. It crosses all zip codes, social classes and doesn’t care if your little one goes to daycare or stays home. One day she’s an angel and you are lulled into thinking this stage has passed only to double down on her unreasonable and illogical expectations the next. I am here to tell you that you are not alone and offer some tips that may help get through this stage with some hair left on your head.

Have reasonable expectations

This is the most difficult task. Your little one is so smart that it’s easy to forget how young he really is. He was just a baby a few months ago. Because he can do many things it is easy to forget that he is not old enough to have the emotional maturity to handle things like disappointment or have patience. Try to understand what he is really capable of and don’t expect more.

Be patient

Try to remember that this is a phase and it will pass. Everyone says terrible two’s. Some even say terrible three’s. But I have never heard of terrible four’s. This is temporary and your child is not the exception. However, remember that as a father you will have to practice patience for the foreseeable future.

Use positive reinforcement when possible

There are times when you have to punish your toddler’s behavior, especially when it is dangerous. However, toddlers typically respond much better to reward than punishment. They respond particularly well to praise, which has the added bonus of being easy and free. And remember if they can’t understand or control the behavior then punishment is unlikely to work anyway.

Schedule, schedule, schedule

Life happens and we tend to fly by the seat of our pants but young children respond much better when they know what to expect. Also, nothing increases mood swings like hunger and sleepiness. By sticking to a schedule you will keep your children fed, rested and feeling secure which may also reduce acting out.

Explain your reasoning to them

Don’t misunderstand this to mean that you should get them to buy in to your decision-making or negotiate with them. However, by explaining your reasoning to them they are slowly learning that your decisions are based in reason and not simple authority. This has two advantages. The first is they learn to trust and the second is they learn to think and reason for themselves.

Calm them down

When they are particularly out of control you can slow down, get very quiet, turn off all noise, shut off the lights and read a book or just sit and cuddle together. Sometimes this can serve as a reset.

Let them be wild occasionally

Sometimes they just need to burn off steam. Let them run and scream and jump-do it with them. Just make sure you are determining the time and place for that and let them know this is special time and that behavior is not always acceptable.

Remember that for them this is an exciting period of exploration and learning. They are pushing boundaries not because they want to test your patience, but simply to try to figure out how the world works. You will look back on this time fondly once all the chaos is over so try to make some great days with fun as well as discipline.

Be The Hero

Being a father puts you in the company of Batman, Superman, Spiderman, and Captain America! In fact you’re the real life hero in the eyes of your family. That is if you choose to be. You don’t even have to possess super powers or wear tights. Your kids don’t care about the size of your salary, or how hard we work building someone else’s dream in an effort to bring home the bacon.

Your son would much rather go to a ball game with you than have you buy him an Xbox, your daughter would much rather go to the movies with you than have you by her an iPad.

Who am I kidding, they’ll happily take the iPad and Xbox!  The point is their childhood memories will be full of the ball games, the movies and other times spent with dad; not the gifts they received. 

She’ll feel empowered from shared stories and pictures of dads open arms and ear to ear smile as you encourage her first steps.

He will remember when dad placed a cold towel on his forehead to bring his temperature down while feeding him homemade chicken soup.

There is no blueprint to being a father and roles are constantly evolving.

Over time I’ve learned that being involved in every aspect of my kids’ lives is what gives my life meaning. Your kids should know that mom and dad were there when they needed them, providing for them financially and participating in every aspect of decision making.

Not just the big decisions like what schools to send the kids to and what to name them. But daily decisions from what’s on the menu for dinner, to planning family vacations. No special gadgets are required, just your presence, patience, and love. I don’t know about you, but I just love being the hero.